


I Will Carry Your Burden For You

by Sapphicbackward



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Depression, Harry Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Mental Instability, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Triggers, don't read this if you're easily triggered, i was feeling down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphicbackward/pseuds/Sapphicbackward
Summary: Harry is suffering from PTSD after the war, can Remus reach him before it's too late?





	I Will Carry Your Burden For You

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, I own nothing, less than nothing really...
> 
> No profit is made, monetary or otherwise.
> 
> I said it in the tags but I'll say it again, this work references mental illness, a suicide attempt, self harm, self hatred and survivors guilt, if any of this triggers you, please, **please** , don't read this.
> 
> Finally, this is a work of fiction, however it's my work of fiction and I don't give permission for it to be reposted elsewhere without my prior consent.

Remus felt the terror growing in his gut at the sight of the empty living room. He’d known for a few days that something was off with Harry, but had been unable to get the younger man to talk to him. He made his way methodically through the empty rooms of Grimmauld Place looking for Harry, his concern mounting with every door he opened. As Remus reached the third floor, the heavy scent of copper hit his heightened senses and the sensation in his gut snapped.

 

White hot terror flooded every inch of his body and propelled him forward, now searching frantically for the younger man. A worried snarl left his chest as the smell became clearer, he reached the bathroom door and all he could smell was blood. Remus didn’t even think before he slammed his body against the door, the wood shattering at the force.

 

Nothing in his thirty-eight years could have prepared him for the sight of Harry, slumped in  the bathtub, the water stained dark red by the younger man’s blood. Remus stumbled forward unthinkingly, gasping Harry’s name, tears started to fall freely when he realised that Harry was alive, barely. The werewolf lifted Harry gently from the tub and wrapped him in a towel, leaving the bathroom and placed him onto his bed.

 

After examining the deep cuts down Harry’s forearms, Remus set about cleaning and stitching the lacerations, unwilling to magically heal them without Harry’s permission. The older wizard finished stitching Harry’s wounds and covered them with bandages, he cast a spell to help replenish the blood Harry had lost. He finally sat next to the eighteen year old pulling him into his arms and transfiguring the towel into comfortable clothes. There was nothing he could do now except wait for Harry to wake.

 

A low moan alerted Remus to the fact that Harry was awake and he tightened his hold on his friend. The ascent into consciousness was a slow process for Harry and he was filled with a deep numbness the second it started, he’d failed. The brunette blinked slowly, taking in the fact that he was alive but also that there were a strong pair of arms wrapped around him, “Remus?”

 

Remus hummed softly in confirmation, his heart aching at the sound of Harry’s voice, so broken yet wholly unemotional, he’d heard the same tone from his own lips many times before, “it’s okay Harry, I’ve got you.”

 

Harry sat up at Remus’ words, shaking his head in denial, “you shouldn’t waste your time on me Remus, ‘m not worth it, ‘m sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what?” Remus asked tentatively, half sure he already knew the answer.

 

“Failing… Fuck sake, I can’t even kill myself,” Harry let loose a snort of derision, “I should’a just let Voldemort kill me, saved everyone else bein’ burdened.”

 

Sighing quietly, Remus moved so he was sat in front of Harry once more, “you _are not_ a burden Harry. You’re many things, but a burden is nowhere on that list, I promise you.” Harry tried to avert his eyes, but Remus hooked a finger under his chin and turned his face back towards him, “talk to me Harry, please? Let me in. I want to help you, but I can’t do that if you continue to shut me out.”

 

Harry felt tears start to fall down his cheeks and he shook his head vehemently, “you’ve done too much as it is, I can’t ask you to shoulder my issues as well as yours. You’d just be better off without me.”

 

Remus had finally heard enough, “you don’t want to talk to me, fine, but you’ll damn well listen to me. You don’t _have to ask_ me to ‘shoulder your issues’ Harry, I’ll always help you regardless, because that’s what you do when you love someone.” Remus ran a hand through his hair before continuing, “Merlin knows, Lily and James would kill me themselves, but I’ve fallen for you, and as a result, you have my unwavering support whether you feel like you deserve it or not.”

 

Harry sat unblinkingly for a few moments, letting Remus’ admission sink in before he whispered, “I wish you hadn’t, you were in enough danger as it was…”

 

“As it was?” Remus parroted, confusion etched on his face at Harry’s quiet words.

 

The pair of emerald eyes never lifted from his lap as their owner clarified, “nearly everybody I love ends up dead Remus, but _everybody_ who loves me has died…”

 

Remus’ gaze had never faltered from Harry’s form as he waited for the younger man to gather his thoughts. He felt his heart shatter into tiny pieces at Harry’s reply, “Harry, it’s not your fault that Voldemort and his followers killed people. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

 

Harry felt anger course through him at Remus’ words, “ _HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?! SIRIUS, FRED, MY PARENTS, COLIN, THEY’D STILL BE HERE IF IT WASN’T FOR ME_!”

 

The sudden screaming from the youth made Remus flinch, but he didn’t make any effort to move away from him, “no Harry, regardless of whether Voldemort chose you or not, the war would still have happened, people would _still have died_.”

 

Harry let out an anguished moan and clutched at his hair, “you can’t know that Remus. _You can’t.”_

Pulling the teen back into his arms, Remus started to rock slightly and whisper soothing words, “I’ve got you pup. You’re safe.  You’re not to blame. I love you,” over and over into his raven hair until Harry started to calm down. “Do you want me to heal your arms Harry?”

 

Harry sighed imperceptibly and shook his head, “no, they’re important… They will be anyway…”

 

The brunette shuffled so he was plastered against Remus, still sniffling but a lot calmer than he was. Releasing a sigh of relief, Remus wrapped his arms tighter around Harry and pressed a kiss to his hair, “I meant it, I’m not going anywhere Harry, ever.”

“I meant it when I said you’d be safer if you did,” Harry muttered, his face buried in Remus’ chest, “but I love you too, and I’m too weak and selfish to push you away.”

 

Another sigh left Remus’ body without his permission, “I know it could take a long time, but I’m not going to give up on you Harry,” he pressed another kiss to the top of Harry’s hair, “I’m going to do whatever it takes until you believe me that it’s not your fault, any of it.”


End file.
